Self-Discipline, Is Your Child Building it?

Without this character trait, no child can mature properly.

How would you react if someone to build you a new house and then found out the person was a fraud? Let's say this person had no real training in building homes; he had merely worked as a common laborer for a while. He created a fancy title for his "construction company" and figured that was enough for him to get started in business.

You didn't find out about him until he started work on the foundations. You began to be concerned at the the way he didn't seem to be sticking to the plans. Even though he reassured you about what he was doing, you weren't satisfied.

What finally caused you to begin to look into the "builder's" qualifications was what you found when you slipped down to the building site and measured the foundations. Not only were the dimensions wrong, but the whole foundation was completely out of square. In no way were the foundations even beginning to turn out like the plan that you and he had decided upon.

As soon as you found out about his lack of credentials, you went to great lengths to get out of the contract. There was no way you would have a man with so little competence build your home!

Now, all this sounds absurd. Maybe this specific scenario has never happened anywhere. But, a sad situation with particulars not unlike those in this example is happening repeatedly all over the world every day. Yet the situation is accepted as normal. It is not questioned. But is is having far more devastating consequences than having an unqualified builder construct a home. It is having a direct effect on the downfall of our society today!

The building being constructed is the character of a Christian child. The builders are parents, who either carry out the building plans formulated by almighty God or fail miserably in child rearing.

A right foundation

We may be aghast at the thought of an unqualified person building our home. Yet many are making terrible mistakes in molding the lives of their children. They do not heed God's clear instructions ---- they have no idea of what direction they are heading or should head with their offspring. Their child rearing "just kind of happens." The results are disastrous ---- devastating to this society. Children are growing up without any self-discipline.

Some are unable to entertain themselves because they have spent countless hours being entertained in front oF the television, incapable of learning in the class room because they can't pay attention and concentrate, unfit to hold jobs when they have not learned to accept and carry out responsibilities.

King Solomon, to whom God gave great wisdom, gained in depth understanding regarding child rearing, and he recorded many of his observations in the book of proverbs. In proverbs 29:15 he pinpoints the crux of the problem we are addressing: 'A child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

When parents do not know why their children do not turn out as well as they expected, this is often the main reason.

Training necessary

Just as a musician needs constant training and practice to become good enough to play in an orchestra, so a child needs constant training, based on the laws God reveals, to develop self-discipline. A child must be taught to carry out responsibilities ---- whether schoolwork, chores around the home, controlling emotions or exercising the patience and diligence needed to learn a new skill.

For instance, a teenager who has never learned about punctuality, getting along with others and following instructions cannot just join the work force and except to be able to work successfully for a full eight hours every day. He would find great difficulty in sticking out the often mundane assignments that regularly go with the job. He may not respect his superiors. He may not be concerned with doing quality work. A child develops his or her attitude toward work during the early years, and this takes work on the part of the parents.

Once again we can turn to the book of Proverbs for guidance. If we train our children in the way they should go, they will never depart from that way (Proverbs 22:6). Let's look at several typical areas where children need to learn self-discipline. The principles here apply to all areas of child rearing in general.

Work habits

It is essential that children develop good work habits early. Respect for work and ambition can be taught from an early age by giving children responsibility for simple chores around the house. A 3-year-old can be taught to help Mom keep his room tidy, empty the small wastepaper bin and help dad clean the car. At first this instruction may create even more work for the watchful parents who are prepared to work with their children. Obviously, as a child gets older, his or her reliability increases to where he or she can carry out the work without supervision.

Teach them new skills

One of the most effective ways of teaching self-discipline is to help children develop new skills. Musical instruments, sports or various hobbies can be fun and rewarding. Parents should, of course, consider children's abilities and interests, and tailor challenges and opportunities accordingly. Forcing a child into an activity for which he or she has no aptitude or interest does more harm than good.

To become proficient in music or sports, a child must spend many hours in study and practice. This teaches self-discipline. A hobby such as sewing, cooking, floral art or gardening can help a girl develop skills for later years. Also, it teaches her the valuable lesson of sticking with something until it is finished, through all its ups and downs.

Similarly, a boy can learn the fundamentals of carpentry by building models or toys. Having his own vegetable patch may spark interest in science or agriculture. Learning to repair his own bicycle would help develop any aptitude toward mechanics. All of these activities can be fun and challenging for children in helping them develop self-discipline. The important thing is for parents to be involved, so the child can learn the right lessons as obstacles arise. For a child to learn to apply himself, parents must be involved in all their activities.

Help them build self confidence

Low self-esteem is one of the most destructive elements in the lives of adolescents today. Because they have not learned to achieve, they have no identity of their own, so they turn to peers for strength. But the peers often have no more positive values or skills than they themselves do, and thus many do not have the chance to realize their full potential in life. From beginning, it is difficult for an underachiever to develop a sense of worth.

The fact that a Christian child has not learned any work habits or developed any talents and has no self-discipline contributes to juvenile delinquency. On the other hand, developing skills, talents and personal confidence in children dramatically decreases the potential for delinquency.

Instruct now

Right instruction today beats experience tomorrow. Life's harshest teacher is the hard knocks of experience. Of course, our children must learn many lessons for themselves, but parents can lessen the burden. A curse of our society, where unemployment is a major problem, is the lack of job experience available for youths. When they do get jobs, many are unable to hold them because they cannot apply themselves.

Provers 21:25 tells us that the desire of the slothful kills him. That's right. But a slothful attitude is developed over the years. If parents recognized their children's need for instruction, young people would need not suffer the traumas many do, both while they are children and later.

Self-discipline and character in our christian children form building blocks for tomorrow. Follow the instruction God gave to parents in Deuteronomy 6:7, and equip your children adequately for their entrance into adulthood!