Christian Love in Action

M any people today are hard and impersonal! Human beings need loving relationships with others - they need hearty laughs and friendly physical contact. Sharing positive love is essential for our mental and emotional well - being.

Consider this shocking newspaper report: A man in his mid 20s, who was studying at a university but living in an off-campus apartment, died and for two months - including Thanksgiving and Christmas periods - no one missed him! Two eviction notices were attached to his door, and inside his apartment, the television was still on!

Newspapers daily give similar evidence of how cold this society is, and how isolated many people within the society have become. In this disengaged society, if you love, you are considered naive. If you whistle or sing at work, you are seen as frivolous and simple. If you are generous, you're an easy mark. If you are forgiving, you're weak - if trusting, a fool.

Yet Jesus Christ, commenting on how the world would know His true people, said this: "By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:35). As loving people - as true Christians - we need to develop godly traits such as the ability to share, to listen, to praise, to care, understand and respect, to walk in others' shoes, to reveal true feelings, to state our fears, expectations and regrets.

What is a loving relationship?

In a loving relationship individuals trust each other enough to become vulnerable, but remain secure in the knowledge that the other will not take advantage. It is a relationship that neither exploits nor takes for granted. It requires sharing and tenderness. It is where you can be frank and honest without fear of being condemned.

You can, in short, be confident that you are each other's best friend and, no matter what, will stand by one another. You will follow the example of biblical friendships like that of David and Jonathan (II Samuel 1:26). In job situations, bosses often seem to become entrenched in ivory tower executive living, far divorced from the workplace and the average plight of workers and the poor. How many employers really care for workers? Some do, of course, but far too few.

Loving bosses will model themselves after the centurion who asked Jesus to heal his sick servant (Luke 7:1-10). Today such an employee might be laid off. The centurion was wealthy and an authority figure, yet he was humble and outgoing. He must have been a good man to work for.

In families, there is often more interest in relatives after they have died and estates are being shared than when they were alive. And anyone who comes into some financial windfall suddenly rediscovers lost relatives who seem to appear out of the woodwork. Loving relatives will act as Abraham did toward his nephew Lot. When their herds and herdsmen began to compete for space, Abraham solved the dispute by being willing to give Lot his choice of more land (Genesis 13:6-12).

Unfortunately, when money and benefits are involved, loving relationships often suffer today. How many really are willing to give up prestigious life-styles or take lesser jobs, pay or position because they love others? Paul addressed this attitude to the Corinthians: "Why do you not rather let yourselves be defrauded?" - instead of suing brothers (I Corinthians 6:6-8).

It takes much love to be able to do that. But doing so would solve today's litigation crisis!

In marriage, husbands and wives need to follow the example of love shown by Joseph, Jesus' human male guardian. Remember, Jesus was conceived supernaturally before Mary was married, but while Mary was engaged to Joseph. When this pregnancy was discovered, Joseph was faced with a dilemma in the society of his day. Even before he fully understood the divine plan, though, he was motivated by one concern - not to make Mary a public example.

Even though he may not have understood what was happening at that stage, he would not publicly embarrass or humiliate her. He decided to put her away privately (Matthew 1:18-19). Yet how many husbands and wives today are unable to resist public put downs of their spouses? How many can refrain form embarrassing or humiliating a mate in front of friends or family? This is a big test of love in action.

Developing loving traits

Here are some ways to help develop true, loving relationships in your life:

   Communication. People often wait until someone dies before openly expressing feelings for the person. If only we had said this or that before he or she died. On the one hand, there are positive things we fail to say. On the other, there are hurtful, negative, destructive things we say because we fail to appreciate the power of words.

Humans cannot read minds, so we have to let people know when we feel low and in need of encouragement, or when we feel misunderstood. And it is important not to downgrade what you hear. The problem is real - perhaps even painful - for the other person. "It's a bad day today." "Oh, go on, it's not that bad!" you reply. Maybe for you it isn't, but for the other person it is.

   Honesty. Some surveys show that six out of every 10 people feel lying is justified at times - on tax forms, for instance. Some people lie supposedly to protect others from pain or hurt feelings. Yet this makes dishonesty a social skill and encourages deceit. When little children tell they the truth and get punished for it, they quickly learn to tell "white lies."

We are prone to say :How nice to see you!" to people we would prefer to avoid. Or "We must get together sometime" to people we dislike and hope we never have to visit with. At dinner in a restaurant we say "Order what you want" but inwardly hope out companions don't. This attitude echoes the sentiment of Proverbs 23:6-8: " ' Eat and drink!' he says to you, but his heart is not with you."

In everyday living, we wait till 5 p.m. for a call promised at 2 p.m. When the call comes, the party says: "Oh, I'm sorry. I got held up." And we say: "Oh, that's alright. It's OK" - when it isn't OK and we are plain angry about it. When we make arrangements, we ought to stick to them or advise people differently. "How come you didn't make it to our party?" "Oh, I wasn't feeling well," you say, when in fact you can' stand their boring social flutters. We need to be able to live honestly and know that those we live with are honest with us.

We are confronted with sensitive questions like, "Do you like my new coat (or hairstyle or dress)?" "Oh yes, it's lovely," we say, when we think it's terrible and a waste of money. But this is a mine field in personal relationships, isn't it?

We need tact and diplomacy. We don't have to be brutal. Part of loving others is to learn sensitivity. You learn to reply diplomatically: "Well, I'm not as fond of this outfit as your other one. But then again, it is only my opinion. Keep in mind I am not a fashion expert."

   Forgiveness. How desperately those suffer need to be able to get past deep hurts. Consider the case of a woman who is raped, shot in the head, brutally mutilated and left to die. She survived, but the head wound left her blind. When a television interviewer asked if she had a lot of bitterness and unhealed scars, this amazing woman replied: "Oh, no, that man took one night of my life. I refuse him one more additional second."

Christ's attitude on the stake was "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Luke 23:34). We must be willing to forgive what others do in hate toward us. Followers of Christ are required to forgive those who trespass against them.

Loving relationships are susceptible to injury from hurts and abuses. So overcome the temptation to retaliate against wrongs, by instead expressing love. And remember, those closest to you should really be your best friends. You need to treat them that way!